The Most Wanted Movie Sequels

It happens all too often. You’re flipping channels on the tube or scrolling through your timeline only to be hit in the face with a movie trailer for a head-scratching movie sequel. I mean, Dumb and Dumber To, The Next Karate Kid, or Jaws: The Revenge.

Strolling down any comprehensive list of the worst sequels in the history of film inspires more than just confusion though. There’s a tinge of jealousy there too.

Think about it. If we could have shaved $1-million off Evan Almighty’s budget, paid Travolta a little bit less for the blasphemous Saturday Night Fever sequel Staying Alive, and scrapped Speed 2: Cruise Control altogether, we’d be left with more than enough money to fund a movie sequel that people would actually like.

Also, the world would be a better place! Because Speed 2 moved human evolution a few years backward. But I digress.

Today, we’re going to look out the window, sigh a long, defeated sigh, and longingly daydream about the sequels that we all want to see. Hey, if The Incredibles 2 and Blade Runner 2049 could be made, there’s still hope!

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Kill Bill Vol. 3

Kill Bill Vol. 1 introduced us to the sword swinging, vengeance-seeking bride and Kill Bill Vol. 2 gave us sweet, sweet revenge, which was great. But unfortunately, Vol. 2 also gave us an unnatural yearning for more. I mean, there has to be more to the story, right? Uma Thurman couldn’t have killed everybody.

There were rumors that the ever-divisive director Quentin Tarantino was working on a brand-new Kill Bill. Years and years’ worth of rumors. But that’s really all we’ve ever gotten. Add to that the #MeToo controversy surrounding Harvey Weinstein and a stunt-gone-wrong during the filming of the original two films, it doesn’t look good.

In the meantime, I’ll just be sitting here practicing the Five-Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

Roger Rabbit

I was late to the Who Framed Roger Rabbit party. But, after watching the 1988 cult-classic a few years ago, I found myself searching for a sequel. I assumed that there would be one. It just felt so natural. But, sadly, after scouring the Internet all I could find were a bunch of lame excuses.

Director Robert Zemeckis is on board with making Roger Rabbit 2. He even wrote a “magnificent” script for the follow-up. But, according to Zemeckis, Disney (who owns the script) has absolutely no interest in the film.

Maybe the Roger Rabbit universe is too dark and risqué. There’s clearly more money in blockbuster superhero movies. Hopefully, somebody at Disney will convince the fat cats to green light Roger Rabbit 2. I’d go down there and try to convince them myself but Mickey Mouse kind of creeps me out.

The Fifth Element

It seems strange now to think that a movie as ambitious and successful as The Fifth Element didn’t receive a sequel. Director Luc Besson and co. created a living and breathing dystopian universe with style, grace, and wonder. Do that in 2018 and you can all but guaranteed a five-movie franchise.

It’s important to recognize though, that The Fifth Element wasn’t exactly an immediate box-office smash. The film is widely celebrated as an industry great today, but that reputation developed over time. There just wasn’t much financial incentive to make a sequel at the time.

Add to that Bruce Willis’ advanced age and director Luc Besson’s brief and unsuccessful marriage to Fifth Element co-star Milla Jovovich, this one’s most likely dead in the water. Which is sad, because The Fifth Element is truly one of the greatest sci-fi flicks of all time.

District 9

Unique, thought-provoking, and effortlessly charming, District 9 brought director Neill Blomkamp’s name to the international stage. The film built a universe where humans coexisted with a race of crash-landed aliens — and what a universe it was. The stellar cast of unique characters and incredible world building garnered critical praise and roughly $210-million at the box office.

The film’s conclusion left audiences hanging, too. At least, it left me anxiously awaiting a second installment. There still may be a sequel to this stellar film, but not any time soon. A perfect storm of alternative projects, time-off, and not-so-stellar box office performances have occupied much of Blomkamp’s time.

Mystery Men

Like many of the movies on Ben Stiller’s filmography, Mystery Men floundered at the box-office, only to enjoy a second life as a cult classic. But, unlike Zoolander and Meet the Parents, Mystery Men has yet to enjoy the spoils of a second installment. Although, the content and marketplace are there.

Superhero movies are everywhere these days and Mystery Men’s spot-on superhero satire is even more relevant now. Mystery Men is tragically underrated and a sequel would generate bucket loads of money.

But don’t hold your breath. Forget the fact that it would be all but impossible to pull together that star-studded cast again, Ben Stiller hated the movie.

At least, we’ll always have the memories.

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