Most Ridiculous Valentine’s Day Products Ever Made

While many people choose to take the traditional chocolate-or-flowers route on Valentine’s Day, there is a growing business in thoughtful and elegant Valentine’s Day gifts. The ideal Valentine’s Day gift should showcase your love and appreciation of your partner and facilitate your connection.

While there are many companies that offer fantastic love-themed gifts around Valentine’s Day, others have attempted to cash in on the holiday with a series of garish novelty products that are more ridiculous than practical. Here are some of the most ridiculous Valentine’s Day products ever made.

Control-Your-Spouse Talking Remote

If you low-key hate your spouse and want to let them know that you consider everything they say to be dictated by their gender, buy them this Control-Your-Spouse Talking Remote. It comes in a pink version for women (obviously) and a black version for men. Depending on which version you buy, it will play bon mots like “Must…have…chocolate” and “The king speaketh!” There are buttons to turn down the ego, increase maturity and sensitivity, and even mute them entirely. It’s not available anymore (thank God), but they originally retailed on Amazon for $19.

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Pillow Talk

If you’re in a long-distance relationship or if you’re often separated from your partner, the Pillow Talk heartbeat speaker from Little Riot allows you to hear your partner’s heartbeat under your pillow using a set of speakers and heartbeat-sensing wrist bands. Each person has a wrist band that they wear to bed, which transmits their heartbeat in real time to the speaker under their partner’s pillow.

It’s a neat device, but the $177 cost is a little high for a novelty gift. $177 buys a whole lot of bus tickets or at least a one-way plane ticket to most places in the continental United States (on a weekday).

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