Most Outrageous Celebrity Baby Names
Celebrities are trend setters. They shape what we watch, what we eat, what we wear, and what we think is cool. They do this by taking chances, ignoring rules, and breaking convention. Cultural experimentation moves art forward. It’s why records like Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band or films like Citizen Kane are still being referenced in college campuses today. We don’t just celebrate forward-thinking celebs for their cultural explorations of the unknown. We also give them a bit of a pass when their experiments miss their mark. That is, until it comes to the names of their children.
Celebrities make strange decisions. Having children isn’t strange of course. But, naming them after inanimate objects, fictional characters, items of clothing, and produce? Well, that’s just unforgiveable.
So, let us relish in the absurdity of celebrity culture, cultural innovation, and horrendous baby names while taking comfort in the fact that we would never (ever) name our child after a… direction. These are the most outrageous celebrity baby names of all time. Let’s go!
Coldplay front man Chris Martin rose to prominence writing unpretentious dream-pop songs. Gwyneth Paltrow anchored art house films and is probably one of the most pretentious celebrities in Hollywood. Before you get all up in arms in support of Paltrow, remember that she now sells magic stickers for a living.
Anyways, the two got together, got married, had a kid, and named her Apple. Either the couple needs a serious ego adjustment or they were hoping that a name like Apple would reflect positively on the kid’s report card. Y’know, apples… teachers…
When hip-hop mogul JAY-Z and pop tour-de-force Beyoncé announced they were having a child back in 2011, the world took notice. And who could blame them? Jay and Bey are hip-hop royalty and the world anxiously sat in wait for its new princess.
On January 7, 2012, the couple toasted to the health of their happy, healthy daughter named Blue Ivy. There are a lot of wacky theories about the name’s origin. Personally, we like the name. It’s unconventional sure, but to us the name Blue Ivy elicits feelings of calmness and serenity. Also, we’re terrified of making Beyoncé mad.
We kind of miss the days when a celebrity carelessly dangling a baby over a Berlin balcony was the only thing that the world had to worry about. But we digress.
As you can probably tell from the video, the celebrity in question was the late Michael Jackson, the undisputed King of Pop. And the baby, that was Blanket.
To this day, very little is known about Jackson’s youngest child. Nobody even knows who the child’s biological parents are! What we do know however, is that the name Blanket is easily one of the worst names of all time.