Damn Millennials! Everything Millennials are Killing

Millennials have been accused of holding the knife and delivering the fatal blow to hundreds — if not thousands — of brands and forced the restructuring of some major industries. Maybe the entire generation has a hate on for the society that their parents have left for them? Or, as a recent Federal Reserve study suggests, maybe millennials are just poor. Whatever the cause, the effects are damning.

Today, we take a look at some of the conventions, products, and services that millennials are killing and maybe, just maybe, shake a fist or two.

Casual Dining Chains

You could blame poor service, expensive menu items, and low-quality food for the recent downturn of casual dining chains like Applebee’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, and Hooters. Or, maybe, an entire generation is wrong.

In a frank and somewhat misguided soundbite, CEO of Buffalo Wild Wings blamed millennials for the state of the casual dining industry. Millennials, according to the CEO, prefer to cook at home, order delivery, and generally stay away from malls.

I for one won’t be wearing black on the day that Applebee’s dies.


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Starter Homes

It used to be that a first-time homebuyer would invest in a smaller, starter home for their fast-growing family. Well, not anymore.

Millennials are now setting the tone for the real estate market — and it’s safe to say that they’re straying for the path of their parents.

Due to the lack of availability of smaller and more affordable homes, millennials are renting longer and buying bigger. It’s a remarkable shift in an important money-making industry. But who can blame them? The cost of owning a home in most urban city centers is astronomical and, for most, completely out of reach.

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Sorry Homer Simpson, but beer has officially made the millennial hit list.

It may be too early to call beer a vice of the distant past, but sales reports don’t lie. Every year, more and more millennials are choosing wine, spirits, and rose in favor of beer.

Some credit the legalization of recreational marijuana for curbing the sale of suds. Whatever the case, it seems as though a market correction in the world of beer is close at hand.

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The napkin industry hates millennials. And for good reason.

According to a 2016 survey, only 56 percent of consumers said they had purchased paper napkins in the past six months. No, millennials aren’t wiping their hands on their jeans and shirt sleeves. They’re opting for much more cost-effective options, like paper towels or cloth napkins.

Is nothing sacred?!

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Millennials may have grown up with Tony the Tiger and Captain Crunch, but that was then. You know, before they grew up and had to learn to clean up for themselves.

The popularity of breakfast cereal has been on the decline since the late 1990s. Why? Well, if they aren’t skipping breakfast altogether, they’re opting for smoothies, breakfast sandwiches, hot grains, and yogurt instead.

Industrially processed grains just aren’t all that popular anymore. Also, they were never healthy to begin with. Nostalgia be damned!

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The Music Industry

The sharp decline in album sales has been well documented. The Internet paved the way for piracy which helped shape the digital streaming marketplace that we enjoy today. And, although access to new music has never been better, recording artists have never made less. At least, from album sales.

In order to make a living these days, musicians are forced to tour more regularly. There’s been a noticeable surge in the prevalence of large-scale music festivals too.

The music industry isn’t dying per se. It’s just changing very, very rapidly.

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The market for motorcycles is shrinking. Much to the chagrin of American bike manufacturers and probably the leather industry.

But who’s to blame for the 3.9-percent dip in U.S. motorcycle sales? I bet you can answer that question yourself.

Analysts suggest that the younger, millennial generation is “adopting motorcycling at a far lower rate than prior generations.” They blame the impact of growing up through a recession. Less money growing up means dramatically altered spending habits going forward.

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Bars of Soap

Nothing is safe when millennials are making the decisions. No, not even bars of soap!

Between 2010 and 2015, household use of bar soap dropped a full five percentage points. And that’s just the beginning. Many believe that the common bathroom staple is covered in germs. They also opt for more premium options like liquid body washes and liquid hand soaps.

I can sympathize. The only bar soap that I own is behind a glass pane that reads “break glass in case of emergency.”

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Diamonds are forever. At least, that’s what Shirley Bassey’s iconic song claims. But to be fair, I doubt her song-writing process included extensive market trend research.

MSNBC reported in 2017 that the scapegoat millennial generation is doing away with the sparkly tradition in favor of more cost-efficient options. Add slowing marriage rates to that and the rising cost of homeownership, you’ve got diamond industry execs shifting in their seats.

But don’t worry diamond investors. Your dollars are safe for about as long as hip-hop is a thing.

Bjoern Wylezich / Shutterstock

Department Stores

You could blame Amazon Prime and the advent of online shopping for the sudden department store Armageddon. But, it’s just so much more fun to blame an entire generation of poor people instead.

That’s right, millennials are in the hot seat for sinking a bunch of major department stores all over North America. Sears, JC Penny, and Nordstrom are all shutting down stores left and right. It’s a sweeping response to a substantial shift in consumer behavior.

Ease of access to online shopping, a lack of interest in designer brands, and a preference for outlet malls are all contributing factors to this retail overhaul.

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Cord-cutting, concussions, and rampant domestic violence scandals are causing more and more millennials to find something else to do after church on Sundays. NFL ratings have been taking a nose dive as of late and there are a lot of reasons as to why. Heck, some even blame the quality of the product on the field. Even live college-level football has seen a dip in attendance.

The truth is, there’s just so much competition out there for millennial eyes, ears, and dollars. In order to make an impact, the old guard must revolutionize how they package, ship, and present America’s national product.

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The Conventional Work Week

It seems as though millennials have also added the conventional 9 to 5 workweek to their extensive hit-list. Though I doubt many people are upset about that one.

Working from home has never been easier — and more desired — than now. The stats show that most millennials prefer to start their own business and operate that business from home, instead of opting for a steady job and a lengthy commute. It’s happening so much that the practice is actually having a huge impact on workplace culture as a whole.

Now, the ability to work from home is touted as a job perk, one that’s used to attract the best and brightest. I mean, who wouldn’t want to spend all day working with my dog beside me.

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Football isn’t the only sport that’s experiencing a millennial-induced, downward trend. Golf hates millennials too!

Simply put, they just don’t enjoy golfing. Kids these days.

Millennials are golfing less than their parents. Plus, their parents are getting too old to golf.

Nike saw the writing on the wall. In 2016, they pulled out of the golf equipment business entirely. I wouldn’t be surprised to see other big-name brands follow suit in the near future.

Mr.Somchai Sukkasem / Shutterstock

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